My Vocation Story to the Church and My Converison

I was raised in a southern christian protestant family. My mom started taking me to church as a small child. I have been active in church my whole life. I would sing in the childrens’ choir, do vacation bible school, youth group, bible study, memorize bible verses and do volunteer work.

I was born with severe learning disabilities, Aspergers syndrome, OCD, ADD, LD, and APD. I have had a lot of therapy and doctors visits. I couldn't speak, walk, write my name, or spell. My mom taught me everything, She taught me how to write, speak, and function in this world. She made me who I am today. I still struggle with my disabilities. People judge me and say I'm rude or blunt because I will say something absurd or crazy. It's just my autism kicking in. I don't know that I'm doing it or how to stop it. I have a hard time relating to people my own age. I never had many friends growing up because of it. I knew I always had God by my side.

I have always thought I was missing something in my religious life. That the practices we were doing wasn't enough or devoted enough to God. I always had a amazing love for Mary and relating to her with a call from God.

I remember being 5 or 6years old not having many friends and sitting alone talking to God and Jesus. I would tell him all my feelings, problems, happiness, and love for him. I would talk to him like he was a human being sitting next to me holding my hand. I remember always talking to my self like somebody was there with me and listening to me, thinking back to that now, somebody was there. God, Mary, Jesus, and my guardian angel have always been there with me. My guardian angel has been my best friend and friend to me when nobody would befriend me. He was my there during all the years of sitting in doctors offices, therapist offices, and traveling.

God has always been calling me to religious life. He was whispering to me in my heart asking me to devote my whole entire life to him. He made me different for a reason to serve him and help the sick.

When I was 10years old my parents went through a nasty divorce. It spread all around town, people taking sides and gossiping about me. I would get funny looks in Wal Mart or the grocery store. My father was a very rich and powerful man. He was verbally abusive to me and very cruel. He was atheist and didn't believe in church and God. He loved to mess with my mind and make me think things that weren't real.

I went into an emotional breakdown when I was 13 years old from the divorce and my Father's abuse. I had horrible anxiety attacks, I started self harming myself. I went into a deep depression. It was a dark night of my soul. I felt lost and had no control of any of this. The good Lord helped bring me out of my darkness. My mom prayed to God : “Lord change their Father or take him out of there" You know what the Good Lord did " He took him"

My father abandoned me in May of 2004 in Florida at a Mcdonalds. He dropped us off said " Goodbye" and walked out of my life. My uncle drove me home and dropped me off at my Mom's house. I never saw my father's family again nor my Father.

My father leaving me helped my emotional state of mind and my spiritual life. It brought me closer to God and changed me. God became the Father I never had. He was my constant and only stable being in my life.

In 2006, a year after my Father left town. My childhood best friend dropped dead of a heart attack from a stomach virus. She was only 15 years old!! I spent the whole day with her the day before she died. It's crazy how one minute somebody is in your life and the next minute they aren't. God really wanted his daughter home with him. I remember going outside after finding out she had died and asking God "Why" Why did you take her away from us? Why did she have to die? Why must I suffer more loss and heartache??

I came to terms that it was for His purpose to mold us into who we are today and our purposes on this earth.

My mom became deathly ill a year later in 2007. She caught C DIFF and toxic mega colon and lost her whole colon. She was hospitalized for 3months and I had to live on my own on our 150 acre farm by myself. I had to pay the bills, cook, clean, shop, do laundry and run the house and care for 25dogs and 10cats. I had to become an adult that day! I knew God was by my side in all those troubles and hard time. I asked him one day "God why all this loss and heartache in my life, why must I suffer" He whispered to my heart "It's for my purpose to make you the woman you are today and to bring you closer to my love"

Last year when I started college I had another dark night of my soul. God became very distant from my life those few months. I felt like he wasn't there. The Devil started tempting me with lust, pride, lies, and worldly desires. He wanted me to leave God and become "worldly".

God brought me to my knees and pretty much spoke to me. I was crying out to the Lord to save me and make me a better person to serve him. I was sinning back and forth. I wasn't a perfect person nor is anybody a perfect person.

I was crying out in agony to Our God for him to rescue me from these storms in my life. God rescued me and brought me to dry ground. He told me "I've been trying to tell you for years that your peace is as a Catholic nun and in the Church of Jesus Christ, which St. Peter helped to form."

I knew that day I would never ever let Satan get the best of me again!

My spiritual journey has been a rocky one for a long time. It has had its highlights and the its down moments. God has really tested my love for him..

Right now, My spiritual journey is a long discernment to the church and my vocation as a Nun. I am praying everyday, journaling, doing two or three daily rosaries, church, volunteer work, reading about the saints and talking to other devoted Catholics.

My gift from God is the gift of hospitality and nursing. I want to serve Jesus' children--the sick, infirmed and dying souls on this earth. I want to bring them closer to Jesus' love and his compassion for them. I work at a nursing home as a CNA nursing the sick and the elderly in honor of Jesus. I have dedicated my life to serving him in the nursing world. I am majoring in LPN to RN degree in nursing, hopefully I will be a LPN by the time I'm 22 and a RN by the time I’m 23. I want to use my gifts to show God's love to people.

My heart yearns for becoming one with Jesus Christ; I want to serve him and the Church for the rest of my life. I want to go to that desert place and lay down my life for him. I want to dedicate everything I am to him. He is my everything and my constant in my life.

The thirst I have for him and serving him is intense and so full of fire...... I just want to run into his arms and tell him everything. I want to wear all white and say my vows to him. I want to a bride of Christ and his spouse.