Examination of Conscience

Every night before I go to bed I always do 3 hail marys, a our father, apostles creed, and I do a Examination of Conscience.. The Examination helps me understand all my faults,sins, and where I was weak and strong during the day.. Even if you do this once a week, it's good for your soul. It helps you understand yourself and guide you to a closer relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ :)

I am posting my own special Examination of Conscience to share with you all.

1. Did I doubt that God exist?

2. Did I refuse to believe what God has revealed to us?

3. Did I deny I was Christian?

4. Did I leave the Christian faith?

5. Did I give time to God each day in prayer?

6. Did I love God with my whole heart?

7. Did I have false Gods in my life that I gave greater attention too?

8. Did I insult God?

9. Did I take God's name carelessly?

10. Did I get angry with God?

11. Did I miss mass or church service at my own fault?

12. Did I come to mass or church service on time or did I leave early?

13. Did I work on Sunday when there was no necessary?

14.Did I set aside Sunday as a day of rest and family day?

15. Did I disrespect or disobey my parents?

16. Did I neglect my duties to my husband, wife, children or parents?

17. Did I neglect to give good religious example to my family?

18. Did I fail to actively take an interest in the religious education and formation of my children?

19. Did I fail to educate myself on the true teachings of the Church?

20. Did I give scandal by what I said or did, especially to the young?

21. Did I cause anyone to leave the faith?

22. Did I cause tension and fights in my family?

23. Did I care for my aged and infirm relatives?

24. Did I give a full day's work for a full day's pay?

25. Did I give a fair wage to my employees?

26. Did I kill or physically injure anyone?

27. Did I have an abortion, or advise someone else to have an abortion? (One who procures and abortion is automatically excommunicated, as is anyone who is involved in an abortion, Canon 1398. The excommunication will be lifted in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.)

28.Did I use or cause my spouse to use birth control pills (whether or not realizing that birth control pills do abort the fetus if and when conceived)?

29. Did I attempt suicide?

30. Did I take part in or approve of "mercy killing" (euthanasia)?

31. Did I get angry, impatient, envious, unkind, proud, revengeful, jealous, hateful toward another, lazy?

32. Did I give bad example by drug abuse, drinking alcohol to excess, fighting, quarreling?

33. Did I abuse my children?

34. Did I willfully entertain impure thoughts or desires?

35. Did I use impure or suggestive words? Tell impure stories? Listen to them?

36. Did I deliberately look at impure TV, videos, plays, pictures or movies? Or deliberately read impure materials?

37. Did I commit impure acts by myself (masturbation)?

38. Did I commit impure acts with another - fornication (premarital sex), adultery (sex with a married person)?

39. Did I practice artificial birth control (by pills, device, withdrawal)?

40. Did I marry or advise anyone to marry outside the Church?

41. Did I avoid the occasions of impurity?

42. Did I try to control my thoughts?

43. Did I engage in homosexual activity?

44. Did I respect all members of the opposite sex, or have I thought of other people as objects?

45.Did I or my spouse have sterilization done?

46. Did I abuse my marriage rights?

47. Did I steal, cheat, help or encourage others to steal or keep stolen goods? Have I made restitution for stolen goods?

48. Did I fulfill my contracts; give or accept bribes; pay my bills; rashly gamble or speculate; deprive my family of the necessities of life?

49. Did I waste time at work, school or at home?

50. Did I envy other people's families or possessions?

51. Did I make material possessions the purpose of my life?

52. Did I lie?

53. Did I deliberately deceive others, or injure others by lies?

54. Did I commit perjury?

55. Did I gossip or reveal others' faults or sins?

56. Did I fail to keep secret what should be confidential?

57. Did I fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday?

58. Did I eat meat on the Fridays of Lent or Ash Wednesday?

59. Did I fail to receive Holy Communion during Eastertime?

60. Did I go to Holy Communion in a state of mortal sin? Without fasting (water and medicine permitted) for one hour from food and drink?

61. Did I make a bad confession?

62. Did I fail to contribute to the support of the Church?

Jesus wants you to love him and be his friend

"Blessed is he who appreciates what it is to love Jesus and who despises himself for the sake of Jesus. Give up all other love for His, since He wishes to be loved alone above all things.
Affection for creatures is deceitful and inconstant, but the love of Jesus is true and enduring. He who clings to a creature will fall with its frailty, but he who gives himself to Jesus will ever be strengthened.
Love Him, then; keep Him as a friend. He will not leave you as others do, or let you suffer lasting death. Sometime, whether you will or not, you will have to part with everything. Cling, therefore, to Jesus in life and death; trust yourself to the glory of Him who alone can help you when all others fail.
Your Beloved is such that He will not accept what belongs to another -- He wants your heart for Himself alone, to be enthroned therein as King in His own right. If you but knew how to free yourself entirely from all creatures, Jesus would gladly dwell within you.
You will find, apart from Him, that nearly all the trust you place in men is a total loss. Therefore, neither confide in nor depend upon a wind-shaken reed, for "all flesh is grass" and all its glory, like the flower of grass, will fade away.
You will quickly be deceived if you look only to the outward appearance of men, and you will often be disappointed if you seek comfort and gain in them. If, however, you seek Jesus in all things, you will surely find Him. Likewise, if you seek yourself, you will find yourself -- to your own ruin. For the man who does not seek Jesus does himself much greater harm than the whole world and all his enemies could ever do."
-- Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis

Prayer

Right now I am in a point in my discernment, where I needed this prayer. I am trying to find God's vocation for my life.... This prayer is my new favorite prayer..

St Alphonsus pray for us :)

Spirit of God, you made Mary full of grace and set the hearts of the apostles aflame.
You are the Spirit of God. Be my strength against evil.
You are fire. Make me bright with love.
You are light. Give me insight into what really matters.
You are a dove. Give me purity of heart.
You are a breath that is full of sweetness. Temper the storms within and around me.
You are a tongue. Teach me to praise you without ceasing.
You are a cloud. Cover me in the shadow of your protection.
You are the giver of heaven’s choicest gifts. Give them to me in abundance.
Grant that I may love you always, then, do with me as you will.
St. Alphonsus, pray for me.
Our Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me.

“Your God is ever at your side – indeed, within you.”

Coming Home

I feel a calling,
An urge of a different kind.
The Spirit guides me to a new faith,
More loving, leave my cares behind.

An unction never known before,
A change in the wind, the opening of a new door.
The Lord and my Mother, Jesus and Mary,
Standing side by side, my heart with love adores.

I'm coming Home,
A place never known, so welcoming and sweet.
To be a Catholic Christian, a joyous life,
When finally confirmed, my new family to greet.

Prayers

Oh, my Lord and Savior,

support me in that hour

in the strong arms of Your sacraments,

and by the fresh fragrance of Your consolations,

Let the absolving words be said over me

and the holy oil sign and seal me,

and Your own Body be my food

and Your Blood my sprinkling,

and let my sweet Mother Mary breathe on me,

and my angel whisper peace to me,

and my glorious saints smile upon me;

that in them all and through them all,

I may receive the gift of perseverance,

and die, as I desire to live,

in Your Faith, in Your Church,

in Your service and in Your Love.

Amen

Lord, grant that I may always allow myself to be guided by You,
always follow Your plans, and perfectly accomplish Your holy will.
Grant that in all things, great and small,
today and all the days of my life
I may do whatever You may require of me.
Help me to respond to the slightest prompting of Your grace
so that I may be Your trustworthy instrument.
May Your will be done in time and eternity
by me, in me, and through me.
Amen.

Prayer to Christ the King

O Christ Jesus, I acknowledge You King of the Universe. All that has been created has been made for You. Exercise upon me all Your rights. I renew my Baptismal Promises, renouncing satan and all his works and pomps. I promise to live a good Christian life and do all in my power to procure the triumph of the rights of God and Your Church. Divine Heart of Jesus, I offer you my poor actions in order to obtain that all hearts may acknowledge Your Sacred Royalty, and that thus the reign of Your peace may be established throughout the universe. Amen.

Prayer of St. Ignatius Loyola

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I have and all You have given me I surrender to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough and will desire nothing more.

I thirst for you

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock…” (Rev.3:20)
(Meditation based on the spiritual teachings of Mother Teresa of Calcutta)

It is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are not listening, even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there. I await even the smallest sign of your response, even the least whispered invitation that will allow Me to enter.

And I want you to know that whenever you invite Me, I do come always without fail. Silent and unseen I come, but with infinite power and love, and bringing the many gifts of My spirit. I come with My mercy, with My desire to forgive and heal you and with a love for you beyond your comprehension- a love every bit as great as the love I have received from the Father ( As much as the Father has loved me, I have loved you…”[John.15:9]). I come – longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with My power, that I might carry you and all of your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.

I know you through and through – I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you – even in your wanderings. I know everyone of your problems. I know your needs and your worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you- not for what you have or haven’t done – I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image. It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as you are, and I have shed My Blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all the needs changing in your life; and I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.

I know what is in your heart- I know your loneliness and all your hurts- the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations. I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love – how you are thirsted in vain, by seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures- with the even greater emptiness of sin. Do you thirst for love? “Come to Me all of you who thirst…”(John 7:37). I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine – to the point of dying on a cross for you.

I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe My love for you: I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you – that is how precious you are to Me. I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds. I will make you a new creation and give you peace, even in all your trials. I THIRST FOR YOU. You must never doubt My mercy, My acceptance of you, My desire to forgive, My longing to bless you and live My life in you. I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For Me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you. I THIRST FOR YOU. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give Me your life- and I will prove to you how important you are to My Heart.

Don’t you realize that My Father already has a perfect plan to transform your life, beginning from this moment? Trust in Me. Ask Me every day to enter and take charge of your life- and I will. I promise you before My father in heaven that I will work miracles in your life. Why would you I do this? Because I THIRST FOR YOU. All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to Me completely. I will do all the rest.

Even now I behold the place My Father has prepared for you in My kingdom. Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life, on a journey home. Sin can never satisfy you or bring the peace you seek. All that you have sought outside of Me has only left you more empty, so do not cling to the things of his life. Above all, do not run from Me when you fall. Come to Me without delay. When you give Me your sins, you give Me the joy of being your Saviour. There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal, so come now and unburden your soul.

No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life, there is one thing I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change: I THIRST FOR YOU – just as you are. You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day- standing at bthe door of your heart and knocking. Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there – for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you:”I THIRST….”(John 19:28). Yes, I thirst for you – as the rest of the psalm-verses I was praying says of Me: “I looked for love, and I found none…”(Ps 69:21). All your life I have been looking for your love- I have never stopped seeking to love you and be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.

Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit: “No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake. Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of you heart and knock…Open to ME, for I THIRST FOR YOU…”
(Missionaries of Charity Fathers)


“Jesus is God, therefore His love, His thirst is infinite. He the creator of the universe, asked for the love of His creatures. He thirsts for our love…These words: I thirst- do they echo in our souls?” (Mother Teresa)

Suffering

Divine Mercy In My Soul:

In suffering, I must be patient and quiet, knowing that everything passes in time. (253)

And the Lord said to me, My child, you please me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be. (279)

Once when I was suffering greatly, I left my work and escaped to Jesus and asked Him to give me His strength. After a very short prayer I returned to my work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one of the sisters said to me, "You must have many consolations today, Sister; you look so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no suffering, but only consolations." "You are greatly mistaken, Sister.... for it is precisely when I suffer much that my joy is greater; and when I suffer less, my joy is also less."... I tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to show God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to show God our love; and when we do not suffer our love is neither great nor pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering will become a delight to us, for love can work such pure things in pure souls. (303)

True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavours, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, dor dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans. ...(continued..343)

Oh if only the suffering soul knew how much it is loved by God, it would die of joy and excess of happiness! Some day, we will know the value of suffering, but then we will no longer be able to suffer. (963)

My daughter it is time to take action; I am with you. Great persecutions and sufferings are in store for you, but be comforted by the thought that any souls will be saved and sanctified by this work. (966)

Know...that your silent day-to-day martyrdom in complete submission to My Will ushers many souls into Heaven. And when it seems to you that your suffering exceeds your strength, contemplate My Wounds and you will rise above human scorn and judgment. Meditation on My Passion will help you rise above all things. (1184)

My daughter, your sufferings of this night obtained the grace of mercy for an immense number of souls. (1459)

..there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest way.... I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in Heaven. A suffering soul is closer to My heart. (Jesus to suffering souls -1487)

Today, during Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of His sufferings, as though dying on the cross. He said to me, My daughter, meditate frequently on the sufferings which I have undergone for your sake, and then nothing of what you suffer for Me will seem great to you. You please Me most when you meditate on My Sorrowful Passion. Join your little sufferings to My Sorrowful Passion, so that they may have infinite value before My majesty. (1512)

1938. Today the Lord said to me, I have need of your sufferings to rescue souls. ....Almost all night I had such violent pains that it seemed all my intestines were torn to pieces. I threw up the medicine I had taken.....I thought it would be the end of me....O my Jesus, do with me as You please. Only give me strength to suffer. Since Your strength supports me, I shall bear everything. O souls, how I love you! (1613)

At eight o'clock I was seized with such violent pains that I had to go to bed at once. I was convulsed with pain for three hours..... No medicine had any effect on me, and whatever I swallowed I threw up. At times, the pain caused me to lose consciousness. Jesus had me realise that in this way I took part in His Agony in the Garden, and that He himself allowed these sufferings in order to offer reparation to God for the souls murdered in the wombs of [their] mothers (1276)

Consider how Jesus offered His suffering to God in Gethsemane. All of Christ's body suffered and died in atonement for sin. We, because we are the Body of Christ, are called to share in that suffering and dying in atonement for sin. Just as Christ's agonies opened the way for grace to pour out into the world, even so the suffering of His Body opens the way for grace to pour out into the world. We are to rise with Him; first we must die with Him, and we have the stupendous grace of suffering and dying just as He did, as sacrificial offerings.

Romans 12:1 says, "I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship."

This is what we do, in unity with Christ, for as Paul says, "This saying is trustworthy: If we have died with him we shall also live with him; if we persevere we shall also reign with him" (2 Tim. 2:11-12).

And again, Paul writes, "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church" (1 Col. 1:24).


Nothing is lacking in Christ's afflictions except that His Body on Earth (for all sin is wiped away through Him) share in these afflictions, for Christ is one and if we are one with Him, we will suffer with Him, for the same reasons He suffered, just as we will rise with Him in the same way He rose.

God bless

Spiritual Childlike

To be a spiritual child:

1) Trust. -- A little child is all trusting.
2) Forgiving. -- A little child always forgives.
3) Loving. -- A little child only knows love interiorly.
4) Innocent. -- A little child is born innocent.

We are born with all of these traits. It seems that "the world" works to take these from us. I myself am having to relearn these. I see all of these traits when I look at my infant nephew. He just looks up and smiles. Trust I won't drop him. Loves me without condition. Upon reflection of St. Therese's "Story of a Soul". I also see these traits.

Life is struggle. Life is suffering. Its what you do with the struggle and the suffering. St. Therese implores one to learn to suffer joyfully. In being little, we give all we have and are to the good God. We place all our trust in his will for us. We strive to love and forgive. We endevour to regain our lost innocence.

To see things with purity, simplicity, innocence, trust, faith and have unconditional love of God. To be childlike in our unconditional trust in God. To be like a baby when it sees the rattle and is astounded at how magnificent such a simple thing is. We should look at all of creation with awe, wonder and love like the baby does the rattle. Think about all the fine qualities we admire in babies and children and we are supposed to possess them though we have matured. We are not supposed to be tough, proud, macho etc. To be sinless like the child too. The child gives us the best example of what we're meant to be like because the child is without sin up to the age of reason, and possibly beyond. They are tainted by original sin but if we take this away we see how we should be, that is the qualities we should possess. Jesus is trying to show us a model of sinlessness and perfection that we can understand ( the closest model anyway ). This is meant to be our goal.

In the Gospel, Jesus said: Unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever humbles himself like This Child... Whoever humbles himself like This Divine Child..., he is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

And the Divine Child shows us the way and that is to live each of our present moments fully, whole-heartedly with the eyes of faith. And this is how the Little Child is leading us to the Father’s House by showing us and calling us to live the present moment like a child who worries not of the past nor of the future.

God bless you all :)

Why is the Holy Rosary so powerful

The abridged article below was distributed by the active members of our local Legion of Mary to all auxilliary members:

Often Father Gabriel Amorth, chief Exorcist of the Vatican writes: "One day a colleague of mine heard the devil say during an exorcism, 'Every Hail Mary is like a blow on my head. If Christians knew how powerful the rosary was, it would be my end.' The secret that makes this prayer so effective is that the Rosary is both prayer and meditation. It is addressed to the Father, to the Blessed Virgin, and to the Holy Trinity, and is a meditation centred on Christ.....

The Eternal Father described to a group of us, through a visionary friend of mine, what happens when we pray the Rosary, saying "When you pray Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now ... the Blessed Mother comes instantly to your side to pray with you. And she does not come alone. She brings angels with her. And not just one or two for she is the Queen of Angels, so choirs of angels come with her. And she and Jesus are joined at the heart and cannot be separated so she brings Jesus with her. And Jesus cannot be separated from the Trinity so He brings the Father and the Holy Spirit with Him. And where the Holy Trinity is, all of creation is, and you are surrounded by such beauty and light as you cannot imagine in this life. Your Mother comes as Our Lady of Grace with her hands outstretched. Rays of light emit from her hands piercing your body, healing you and filling you with graces... This is your inheritance which was poured out from the heart of Jesus on the Cross, when the centurion pierced His Heart with the spear, into the only pure vessel ready to receive such graces at that time, your Mother. Now as you pray the Rosary, or even just recite one Hail Mary, you receive your portion of these graces. He also said at this time, "Anyone who goes to Mary and prays the Rosary cannot be touched by Satan".

Is it any wonder that anyone who prays the Rosary from the heart is so blessed and protected and powerful in their prayers for others?

Thoughts for the feast of our Lady of Sorrows- Saint Gemma is taught how Mary suffered in union with Jesus.

"My Mother..crucified"
Saint Gemma is taught how Mary suffered in union with Jesus.


This article is taken from the Italian book "La Povera Gemma" written by Padre Enrico Zoffoli C.P. and published in 1957. The book is a 1014 page hagiography on the life of St Gemma. The webmaster would like to extend a heartfelt thank you to Mrs. Rita Dunn for translating it into English for this website. May God bless her for her efforts.

Art. 4-Page 611
The spiritual life of Gemma is inseparable from the meditation on the Motherhood of the Blessed Virgin, even more so then in many other souls. It could not be otherwise... the contrary, in fact, would be surprising. This [devotion to the Motherhood] stems from the spontaneous, warm, child-like temperament of a very young girl who became an orphan, stricken by grief that would prompt her to run through the steep road that brings one to the summit of Calvary.
We hear again and again her voice more eloquent than any other soul in transmitting the tone of her relationship with her "Mom"; and the "reply" from Who destined Gemma to the same kind of martyrdom.
'Oh, if at least the Mom of Jesus would love me......if only I could become worthy of being called 'daughter'! I tell you, how many times this good Mom overlooked all my sins! How many times She was to me a loving Mother! Will She still be so when Jesus goes away? Is it true?....If Jesus leaves, I want my Mom. If Jesus does not want me and I have to live without Jesus, I want to be heard at least by Her;...I will not be able to be without my Mom. Oh, my Mother! I love you so..."169.

In this way she expressed her sentiments to Fr. Germano in times of trial. Gemma was right to use such familiarity of speech because of her long experience with the Virgin since her tender age:
"Here I am in the month of May! I think...of the many blessings that my Mom gave me in this first years of my life, and I am so ashamed...because I have not looked at that heart and that hand that would bring me so much kindness...yes, my dear dad ( Fr. Germano) -how many times in front of an image of my Mom I have confided in Her all the anxieties of my heart! And how many times my Mom comforted me! In all my afflictions I remember that I do not have my mom on earth but I do have a compassionate One in Heaven..." 170.

In fact the Madonna appears to her, caresses her, kisses her and reprimands her, She wants a saint at all costs.
She is also her only refuge: "You must make peace between Jesus and me " - exclaims Gemma during an ecstasy in which she was afraid to have lost the Divine Son - "Oh Mom, do not abandon me!.. Who will help me?...Do not go away.."

In another circumstance Gemma's spirit exults :"Oh dear dad (Fr. Germano) you should see how beautiful is that Mother!...Today there is a great feast for Her in Heaven. Jesus gives great glory to His and my Mom. See dear dad....She is so beautiful that words can not tell! The Eternal Father gave Her a crown made of His Holy Love..."
"How beautiful is Communion made with the Heavenly Mother! Dear dad, do you know what flight my heart feels in that precious moment? In only these words : ‘Oh my Mom, how happy I am in calling you so! My heart jumps as when I

remember Jesus’.
And She replied to me : ‘You are happy in calling me Mom and I exult in calling you daughter!’.

One day, Gemma repeated at least 3 times these words- “....Those are moments in which I feel like I am in Heaven.”
“Let us reflect well dear dad on the Feast of the Heavenly Mother. Is it not the most beautiful day of the year? The soul on that day is consoled with serene peace and forgets the storms of this world.. Yes , Yes I have felt many times that the Feast of the Heavenly Mother is always for me a highest day of peace; a day of greater love and santification for all.."
So moving is the ecstasy of May 24th 1900 in which Gemma calls her "Mom" 23 times. On August 25th of the same year she repeats this beautiful name wholeheartedly 30 times....

During the long and happy ecstasy of May 27th she recommends herself and all the sinners to the Virgin and she prays with singular gratitude for all her benefactors...
In the ecstasy of July 4th 1902, we have a sublime prayer that springs from her sensible soul: "...Adored Jesus Incarnate Word! ....oh Mom... oh Mom! Oh, if you are my merciful Mother, then do not abandon this daughter that loves You so! Without you, who will listen to my prayers? Who will hear my vows? Without You I am like a sinner...like a beggar without help. My Mom, why would You leave me? Bring me to Heaven. Oh my Mom, you are a pure flower, a bloom from a white lily; Queen of Heaven, You who steal the most noble part of every creature like you did to me.... You have taken my heart! Return it to me now that under your embrace nothing is earthly, but all becomes heavenly. Return my heart to me….Oh Mom, you do not want to because you are jealous if I should give it to my Love. Then give it Yourself to my Jesus. Jesus loves me so much because my every breath is His, my every desire is His, and my every affection is His. Before you leave Mom bring me to Heaven!." 177

However the heart of Gemma is at the foot of the Cross as she contemplates her Sorrowful Mother. Her Mother appears to her sorrowful and in tears, so the saint becomes conscious of her defects, and proclaims all her love. She learns this from Saint Gabriele who teaches her to compassionate the Blessed Mother [Saint Gabriel Possenti C.P. of our Lady of Sorrows –editor]: "She was the most afflicted of all women and She is comforted if a soul shows Her compassion. She has so many graces and She does not know to who She can give them. She finds no soul that asks Her, not a heart that begs Her".

Between the months of June and July of the same year 1900, the Virgin exhorts Gemma to go to Fr. Germano and tell him: "You are so afraid that it may not be the will of God that you become a Passionist... tell him in my name to appease the will of my Son; to put you immediately in the convent. Tell him also that in the month consecrated to Me, which is the month of September, I want to make a victim of you for my Son, and offer you to Jesus; but I want you in the convent". 180

P. 614
For the Feast of the Holy Rosary of the same year, Gemma asks the Madonna another gift:

"a big cross", "very thick" to follow with the one of "her crucified Jesus". The following splendid meditation was suggested by the Mystery of the Incarnation.
"This morning, after Holy Communion, I thought: ‘Oh, what a great sorrow must have been for the Madonna after the birth of Jesus when She thought that they were to crucify Him! What a heart ache! How many sighs, how many times She must have cried! However, She never complained. Poor Mother! Then when She saw Him really crucified, that poor Mom was pierced by many arrows. I well know that when a person hurts the son in the presence of a mom or dad, the pain hurts the son and the parents. Therefore my Mom was crucified together with Jesus. And, She never complained..."

In her talks during some ecstasies she participates even more deeply in the sadness of the Virgin:
"Tell me Mom, what did you do when you saw Jesus crowned? What did You do, what did Your heart feel?....Ah! I understand it is a sorrow so great... what a difference between Your heart and mine!...It was a great sorrow...What will I do today here?..Jesus died, and You, my Mom, are crying. What will I do? To whom will I talk, who is with me?...I am not worthy, my Mom, that You remain with me...Why are you crying? What causes Your cry? If You cry because they offend Jesus, oh, my Mom, be consoled!.. I will do all I can so that He will not be anymore offended. I will do all I can so that they will leave Him be…..do not worry my Mother, I will sacrifice everything: words, thoughts, sacrifices, so that He will be less offended...Oh, wicked sinners stop crucifying Jesus, because at the same time you pierce His Mother."

On April 7th 1900 she is again with Our Lady of Sorrows-
"Oh, my Mom, where are you? Again at the foot of the Cross of Jesus? ... What a sight You saw Mom when Jesus died!...When You placed Him in the tomb! And you could not be with Him anymore? How is it possible that You suffered so much because of me? How did You do it? Poor Jesus!.. Tell me how did You stand seeing Jesus being crucified to the Cross? My Mom… let me know the cross…. Who will understand You, oh Mother? I see that You continue to look at those wounds. How could I not have compassion on You? If I could.... Oh how great was Your pain!....You can not recognize Jesus. What did You do?.. .Oh God... Jesus is dead and Mom You are crying. Am I the only one that is so insensitive?.....I do not see anymore one sacrifice: I see two: one for Jesus and one for Mary! Oh Mother, if one could see You with Jesus, one would not be able to say who will be the first one to die: You or Jesus!"

Fifteen days later the saint is again enraptured in another sorrowful ecstasy in front of the Virgin:

"I am full of compassion for You, oh my Mom, on seeing You every Saturday standing by the Cross! But the greatest pain is that I can not give You any comfort.. How sorrowful You are, oh my Mother! If I could comfort You with my little sacrifices, then please accept them Mom, and tell Jesus to hide them in His heart... When You are suffering oh Mom, who is the main cause of your pain? Is it I? Did I build the sword? Then with that same sword wound me also... remove, remove Jesus!... Remove Jesus (from the cross) otherwise my Mom will die!...
I do not know which one will be the first one to die. It is such a great sorrow , it is a spasm. Oh I do not see only one Victim any more but two. Why am I the only one so insensible? My Mom! Oh, how are you so able to embrace the Cross for all those souls that want to live without the cross? Oh my Mom! Oh my Jesus! Jesus, He pushes me to love the Cross; oh my Mom, but this cross... No, I will not refuse it, because if I refuse the Cross I refuse Jesus. Yes, I want to love it always. Is it

Gem of Christ, most holy virgin, fill our hearts with the love of God which is most perfectly manifested in the heart of our Lady of Sorrows.

God bless all

Spiritual communion with Jesus

Today I am having spiritual communion with Jesus Christ. I couldn't make it to church today, because my Mother wanted me to stay home to study some. I decided I could make this time usual to write on my blog about my trials of heart this past week with my vocation. I have been struggling with doubt about my vocation to become a catholic nun. I held my friend's baby on Friday and it stirred these emotions in me for longing for a baby in my arms. I prayed to Jesus " Please Lord guide me to where you want me to be at with you, where is my home and purpose meant to be" amen.

I have been praying on this for several days. I still do think my calling is to the church as a sister. Nothing has felt more right than being with Jesus Christ and the holy Eucharist. The feeling of dedicating my whole life to the church and having meaning for my life. Time will tell where my vocation takes me and where I will be at in 10years.

I'm planning on spending the day with Jesus and understanding my vocation :) I am counting down the days until I can become a Catholic woman.

Pray for me and I will pray for you all :)

Doubt

Some days when i'm sitting around thinking I start to doubt myself and my calling. I tell myself " I can't be a nun" or " I'm not a nun material". I'm just a simple country girl who has a calling from the Lord. I'm not special enough to be a nun.

When you start doubting yourself and the Lord. Pray and pray ever more! Doubt has been running through my heart and mind all this week. I can't seem to let myself trust Jesus and his love for me. I'm so worried about being rejected or disowned by my family. They are very judgemental of my vocation to the church. I wish they understood it. I just learn to trust Jesus and let God take care of all my needs and wants :)

Remember God calls each one of us and gives us the gifts, abilities and talents to do whatever it is he needs us to do. And I’ve really come to believe that anyone in the religious life has to have an enormous love for family, because most of what we do is about being a family. There is a reason why the church has always used terms like “Father,” “Brother,” “Sister,” and “Mother,” when it comes to those who are called to religious life, because we are all one family. The Church is one family. That’s why when Jesus was talking to his disciples and they were wondering the same thing, “How can we serve you and give up so much like our families that seemed perfectly normal?” Jesus answered them by saying, “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” (Gospel of Matthew 19:29and can also be found in the Gospel of Mark 10:30).

Trust

Trusting somebody is the hardest thing you can do with your life. You are afraid that person may break your heart or hurt you. Most people don't trust very well at all. I don't trust well, I don't trust that somebody will hurt me, dump me, use me, or worse. The fear of letting somebody see you for who you are and your inner heart. If you can't trust Jesus then you really don't believe in him. I learned to trust Jesus a long time ago and it was very hard to do, but when I finally did it was amazing. I felt better and more at peace. I knew I didn't have control of this situation and only Jesus did. He is the one who can save us, rescue us and hold us.

Remember the bible verse about Peter seeing Jesus walking on water and Jesus asking him to join him and Peter couldn't trust Jesus.

Here is a short story about Peter and Jesus walking on water..

The disciples had a long tiring day and Jesus sent them out in the boat to go over to another town. It was a dark stormy night and the wind was tossing the waves around. In the middle of the night, they thought they were seeing a ghost when Jesus came to them walking on the sea! Jesus saw they were scared and told them not to be afraid. When they were the most afraid, he told them to cheer up, he was with them! God has to take the storm out of us before He can take us out of the storms of life. Peter must have wondered if it really was Jesus or just their imagination. He asked Jesus to tell him to come out on the water with him if this was really happening. Jesus didn't say, "I'm sorry, Peter, but water-walking is for Messiahs only." No, he said one simple word: Come. God calls us to do impossible things by faith. It must have taken a lot of trust by Peter to take that first step out of the boat in the middle of the wind and waves. When he did, Peter walked on water! The Bible says,

And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. - Matthew 14:29,30

Peter was doing fine until he took his eyes off Jesus. As long as he had faith, he did impossible things to do without God's help. He kept his eyes on Jesus and walked on water. When he looked around at the world, he started believing that the storm was going to defeat him. He lost faith. He took his eyes off Jesus, and he began to sink. If we forget that Jesus is right there to help us, we can let the storms of life cause us to sink. If we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can do mighty things for God by faith.

Then Peter uttered what is probably the shortest prayer in the Bible: Lord, save me. Everyone needs to say that prayer. We ALL need Jesus to save us. He is our only hope. Jesus told Peter he should not have doubted. When they got back in the ship, everyone on board came and worshipped Jesus, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God. Whenever we do something with God's help we need to remember to give Him the glory for it.

Life gets really scary sometimes. And we can get ourselves into all kinds of strange circumstances. Our faith can become all mixed up, and can even be taken away, if we flirt too much with sin and unbelief.

Even when we commit to obeying God, to following the Lord, we sometimes try to do so on our own terms, in our own strength, and according to our own rules and ideas. But we soon learn that God will not jump through our hoops. He is God. He is in control. We are not.

Fortunately, the Lord marks the path for us, in ways that even fools can eventually recognize the signs and get the message. I'm as big a fool as has ever lived, but even I was finally able to read the writing on the walls along the pathway of my life.

The greatest message that God has ever given to human beings is this one: TRUST JESUS. It's good for the saving of a soul, and for the mending of a life gone wrong. And it's good for everything else that any of us will ever truly need, both now and for always.

My struggles

Yesterday I had a struggle of my vocation to Catholic life and Catholic Nun. My depression started kicking back in and I started getting worried and questioning why am I changing beliefs, churches and leaving my family. Why do I want to seperate myself and be different??

I really sat and pondered on this last night with God. I was asking him why this? why did I have to have so much trials and headache in my life? why must it be so hard for me and so easy for other people??

I was getting really depressed and upset over it. I finally told myself " I find actual peace in becoming catholic and discerning to become a sister" God has given me my calling to this lifestyle and he knows whats best for me and where i'm suppose to be. I shouldn't question it or ask for answers. I should be a willing servant of the lord and serve him with all my heart no matter how hard it is.

God has given me another trial to fight and deal with it. I know that I can overcome it with his help, my guardian angel and Mother Mary guiding me.

I want to overcome this and be able to wear all white when receiving my first communion and be able to take my vows as a bride of christ...

Please pray for me and I will pray for you all :) God bless!

You know when you are called to be a Nun.

1. You wake up praying any part of the Divine Office...
2. You dream more than three times a week about being in the convent...
3. Your friends all share their wedding details with you, and all you can think about is that if you were to get married, you would want Exposition and Holy Hour of Adoration right after the ceremony (complete with Benediction and plenty of incense...) no rush to go to the honeymoon....
4. you have all these religious community websites bookmarked in your "favorites" on your web browser...
5. you have more friends in the convent than you have out in the world...
6. when every thought you have of being married leads you to think of you being clothed in the habit and veil
7. when all your friends are candidates, aspirants, or Sisters in religious orders.
8. when the idea won't leave you alone, and you know deep down that you have to at least try or you'll regret it the rest of your life.
9. when some of your best inside jokes are shared only by you and two of your favorite Dominican sisters...
10. when you would rather go to the Catholic store to buy saint medals than go to the mall to buy new clothes
11. when you don't write your crush's name in you notebook, but instead, write your future religious sister name....
12. when you try constantly to picture yourself with a veil...
13. when Jesus is the only one who will ever understand the horrible day you've had....
14. when you hear a love song, you think about Jesus....
15. when your idea of a dinner date is Mass.....
16. You find yourself (sometime without realizing it) spending a quiet hour at work in contemplative prayer/meditating on scripture.
17. when you just long for HIM in Holy Communion - all day long!!!!!!!
18. when you don´t want to close your LOTH.
19. when the only websites you go to besides your e-mail and phatmass are religious sisters' websites.
20. Have many books about the life of the Saints
21. Have many photos of the sisters on your notebook/computer
22. Can't stop dreaming about the convent life
23. Heartbouncing when you saw photos from sisters (I want it too!!)
24. Talk with Him a lot
25. Love Him more than other
26. Have DVDs about religious life, these are your favoriete movies ever! (Example: Into great silence, A man who becames a pope: Pope John II, Saint Thèrése, Mission, Father Damian, Brother Sun and Sister Moon, Mother Teresa of Calcutta and more...)
27. See all big houses and you will thinking: this house will maybe for the sisters and their/our work (especially the carmeldcj)
28. When the sisters ask when you will entered, especially the older sisters
29. When the sisters will ask for your help
30. When some friends says: you don't say it, but you want to enter to an convent. We can see in your eyes.
31. When one day you wake up and have a sudden urge to kiss the crucifix on your wall and say "I will take up my cross and follow you". Then you continue to act on that urge every single morning.
32. When you're upset saying a Hail Mary cheers you up more than your family or friends.
33. Mass during the petitions when they say "For an increase for vocations to the priesthood and religious life," and you feel guilty and/or cannot stop smiling.
34. When you see a religious, you turn the other direction.
35. When you see a religious, you stalk them
36. You cannot get the idea of being a religious out of your head.
37. You are constantly thinking about what your religious name might be.
38. You have visited religious orders without your parents' knowledge.
39. You are always looking at different orders on the internet.
40. People tell you you would make a good nun.
41. People tell you they will go to your final profession.
42. You've been told that you would look good in a veil.
43. You hide brochures about different communities under your bed.
44. You play dress-up nun and use a pillow case/skirt for your veil.
45. You randomly wake up early in the morning and cannot explain it.
46. You daydream about Jesus (He is so distracting sometimes! lol)
47. You get excited about fasting, etc. (well, this isn't just for those discerning religious life).
48. You schedule things around praying the Divine Office.
49. You are intensely attracted to certain colors that strangely correspond to the exact color a certain order wears...
50. You stalk the saint founders of certain orders
51. The saint-founders of certain orders stalk you.
52. You know the schedule of your favorite community by heart and correspond the time you say the Office with when they do.
53. You get excited about the thought of SPIRITUAL children.
54. You're excited about getting to give everything away--yay religious poverty!
55. You're excit
56. ed about even wearing a dorky postulant outfit!
57. When random strangers walk up and ask you "Are you going to be a Sister?" for reasons you just can't seem to figure out.
58. When you try to justify chores by attributing them to a certain "vow of obedience"
59. When you spend your free time drawing pictures/writing icons of the saints
    
60. When you find more comfort in sharing things with Jesus, Mary, and the saints instead of with friends
61. When Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the only thing that makes you happy or gives you peace. When you just want to spend your life at the feet of Jesus in the tabernacle...
62. You start registering at Catholic forums with your preferred religious name. Just incase...
63. Whenever you pray the Rosary with a group, and close your eyes, you imagine that you're a nun.
64. ...someone asks you if you are in a relationship OR if you are dating someone???
65. and you immediately think, "Yes, with Jesus.." but you are not quite sure how to put it into words...
66. . you cry at the idea of wearing a wedding gown at your future wedding with Christ :-)
67. you keep getting called "sister" even in lay clothes
68. you are constantly asked "are you a sister?"
69. at school or at home or at work you keep thinking about consecrated life
70. ...being curious about nuns, you're watching a video on YouTube and a nun talks about asking Mary, so you do that before Mass. During mass, you visualize yourself in a habit, and after Mass, an elderly parishioner (who's part of a parish ministry - altar society) tells you "You look like a nun! You should be a nun!"! And you feel all giddy inside!
71. You long for intimate moments with HIM, and nothing anybody else says or does gets to you. All you can think about is HIM. Your true Bridegroom!
72. ..at random places you think about a scenario where you could be martyred like your saint heroes.
73. at random places you think about what a saint would be doing right there and then.
74. .at random places you wish you could be somewhere else praying.
75. ..you're reading threads on this forum about convents, realize it's 7:30am, and you really have to get ready for work.
76. ...You jot down any sins you just committed in a notebook (or on the computer when you get a chance).
77. You wish the confessional was open 24/7.

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