Trust

Trusting somebody is the hardest thing you can do with your life. You are afraid that person may break your heart or hurt you. Most people don't trust very well at all. I don't trust well, I don't trust that somebody will hurt me, dump me, use me, or worse. The fear of letting somebody see you for who you are and your inner heart. If you can't trust Jesus then you really don't believe in him. I learned to trust Jesus a long time ago and it was very hard to do, but when I finally did it was amazing. I felt better and more at peace. I knew I didn't have control of this situation and only Jesus did. He is the one who can save us, rescue us and hold us.

Remember the bible verse about Peter seeing Jesus walking on water and Jesus asking him to join him and Peter couldn't trust Jesus.

Here is a short story about Peter and Jesus walking on water..

The disciples had a long tiring day and Jesus sent them out in the boat to go over to another town. It was a dark stormy night and the wind was tossing the waves around. In the middle of the night, they thought they were seeing a ghost when Jesus came to them walking on the sea! Jesus saw they were scared and told them not to be afraid. When they were the most afraid, he told them to cheer up, he was with them! God has to take the storm out of us before He can take us out of the storms of life. Peter must have wondered if it really was Jesus or just their imagination. He asked Jesus to tell him to come out on the water with him if this was really happening. Jesus didn't say, "I'm sorry, Peter, but water-walking is for Messiahs only." No, he said one simple word: Come. God calls us to do impossible things by faith. It must have taken a lot of trust by Peter to take that first step out of the boat in the middle of the wind and waves. When he did, Peter walked on water! The Bible says,

And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. - Matthew 14:29,30

Peter was doing fine until he took his eyes off Jesus. As long as he had faith, he did impossible things to do without God's help. He kept his eyes on Jesus and walked on water. When he looked around at the world, he started believing that the storm was going to defeat him. He lost faith. He took his eyes off Jesus, and he began to sink. If we forget that Jesus is right there to help us, we can let the storms of life cause us to sink. If we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can do mighty things for God by faith.

Then Peter uttered what is probably the shortest prayer in the Bible: Lord, save me. Everyone needs to say that prayer. We ALL need Jesus to save us. He is our only hope. Jesus told Peter he should not have doubted. When they got back in the ship, everyone on board came and worshipped Jesus, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God. Whenever we do something with God's help we need to remember to give Him the glory for it.

Life gets really scary sometimes. And we can get ourselves into all kinds of strange circumstances. Our faith can become all mixed up, and can even be taken away, if we flirt too much with sin and unbelief.

Even when we commit to obeying God, to following the Lord, we sometimes try to do so on our own terms, in our own strength, and according to our own rules and ideas. But we soon learn that God will not jump through our hoops. He is God. He is in control. We are not.

Fortunately, the Lord marks the path for us, in ways that even fools can eventually recognize the signs and get the message. I'm as big a fool as has ever lived, but even I was finally able to read the writing on the walls along the pathway of my life.

The greatest message that God has ever given to human beings is this one: TRUST JESUS. It's good for the saving of a soul, and for the mending of a life gone wrong. And it's good for everything else that any of us will ever truly need, both now and for always.

My struggles

Yesterday I had a struggle of my vocation to Catholic life and Catholic Nun. My depression started kicking back in and I started getting worried and questioning why am I changing beliefs, churches and leaving my family. Why do I want to seperate myself and be different??

I really sat and pondered on this last night with God. I was asking him why this? why did I have to have so much trials and headache in my life? why must it be so hard for me and so easy for other people??

I was getting really depressed and upset over it. I finally told myself " I find actual peace in becoming catholic and discerning to become a sister" God has given me my calling to this lifestyle and he knows whats best for me and where i'm suppose to be. I shouldn't question it or ask for answers. I should be a willing servant of the lord and serve him with all my heart no matter how hard it is.

God has given me another trial to fight and deal with it. I know that I can overcome it with his help, my guardian angel and Mother Mary guiding me.

I want to overcome this and be able to wear all white when receiving my first communion and be able to take my vows as a bride of christ...

Please pray for me and I will pray for you all :) God bless!

You know when you are called to be a Nun.

1. You wake up praying any part of the Divine Office...
2. You dream more than three times a week about being in the convent...
3. Your friends all share their wedding details with you, and all you can think about is that if you were to get married, you would want Exposition and Holy Hour of Adoration right after the ceremony (complete with Benediction and plenty of incense...) no rush to go to the honeymoon....
4. you have all these religious community websites bookmarked in your "favorites" on your web browser...
5. you have more friends in the convent than you have out in the world...
6. when every thought you have of being married leads you to think of you being clothed in the habit and veil
7. when all your friends are candidates, aspirants, or Sisters in religious orders.
8. when the idea won't leave you alone, and you know deep down that you have to at least try or you'll regret it the rest of your life.
9. when some of your best inside jokes are shared only by you and two of your favorite Dominican sisters...
10. when you would rather go to the Catholic store to buy saint medals than go to the mall to buy new clothes
11. when you don't write your crush's name in you notebook, but instead, write your future religious sister name....
12. when you try constantly to picture yourself with a veil...
13. when Jesus is the only one who will ever understand the horrible day you've had....
14. when you hear a love song, you think about Jesus....
15. when your idea of a dinner date is Mass.....
16. You find yourself (sometime without realizing it) spending a quiet hour at work in contemplative prayer/meditating on scripture.
17. when you just long for HIM in Holy Communion - all day long!!!!!!!
18. when you don´t want to close your LOTH.
19. when the only websites you go to besides your e-mail and phatmass are religious sisters' websites.
20. Have many books about the life of the Saints
21. Have many photos of the sisters on your notebook/computer
22. Can't stop dreaming about the convent life
23. Heartbouncing when you saw photos from sisters (I want it too!!)
24. Talk with Him a lot
25. Love Him more than other
26. Have DVDs about religious life, these are your favoriete movies ever! (Example: Into great silence, A man who becames a pope: Pope John II, Saint Thèrése, Mission, Father Damian, Brother Sun and Sister Moon, Mother Teresa of Calcutta and more...)
27. See all big houses and you will thinking: this house will maybe for the sisters and their/our work (especially the carmeldcj)
28. When the sisters ask when you will entered, especially the older sisters
29. When the sisters will ask for your help
30. When some friends says: you don't say it, but you want to enter to an convent. We can see in your eyes.
31. When one day you wake up and have a sudden urge to kiss the crucifix on your wall and say "I will take up my cross and follow you". Then you continue to act on that urge every single morning.
32. When you're upset saying a Hail Mary cheers you up more than your family or friends.
33. Mass during the petitions when they say "For an increase for vocations to the priesthood and religious life," and you feel guilty and/or cannot stop smiling.
34. When you see a religious, you turn the other direction.
35. When you see a religious, you stalk them
36. You cannot get the idea of being a religious out of your head.
37. You are constantly thinking about what your religious name might be.
38. You have visited religious orders without your parents' knowledge.
39. You are always looking at different orders on the internet.
40. People tell you you would make a good nun.
41. People tell you they will go to your final profession.
42. You've been told that you would look good in a veil.
43. You hide brochures about different communities under your bed.
44. You play dress-up nun and use a pillow case/skirt for your veil.
45. You randomly wake up early in the morning and cannot explain it.
46. You daydream about Jesus (He is so distracting sometimes! lol)
47. You get excited about fasting, etc. (well, this isn't just for those discerning religious life).
48. You schedule things around praying the Divine Office.
49. You are intensely attracted to certain colors that strangely correspond to the exact color a certain order wears...
50. You stalk the saint founders of certain orders
51. The saint-founders of certain orders stalk you.
52. You know the schedule of your favorite community by heart and correspond the time you say the Office with when they do.
53. You get excited about the thought of SPIRITUAL children.
54. You're excited about getting to give everything away--yay religious poverty!
55. You're excit
56. ed about even wearing a dorky postulant outfit!
57. When random strangers walk up and ask you "Are you going to be a Sister?" for reasons you just can't seem to figure out.
58. When you try to justify chores by attributing them to a certain "vow of obedience"
59. When you spend your free time drawing pictures/writing icons of the saints
    
60. When you find more comfort in sharing things with Jesus, Mary, and the saints instead of with friends
61. When Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the only thing that makes you happy or gives you peace. When you just want to spend your life at the feet of Jesus in the tabernacle...
62. You start registering at Catholic forums with your preferred religious name. Just incase...
63. Whenever you pray the Rosary with a group, and close your eyes, you imagine that you're a nun.
64. ...someone asks you if you are in a relationship OR if you are dating someone???
65. and you immediately think, "Yes, with Jesus.." but you are not quite sure how to put it into words...
66. . you cry at the idea of wearing a wedding gown at your future wedding with Christ :-)
67. you keep getting called "sister" even in lay clothes
68. you are constantly asked "are you a sister?"
69. at school or at home or at work you keep thinking about consecrated life
70. ...being curious about nuns, you're watching a video on YouTube and a nun talks about asking Mary, so you do that before Mass. During mass, you visualize yourself in a habit, and after Mass, an elderly parishioner (who's part of a parish ministry - altar society) tells you "You look like a nun! You should be a nun!"! And you feel all giddy inside!
71. You long for intimate moments with HIM, and nothing anybody else says or does gets to you. All you can think about is HIM. Your true Bridegroom!
72. ..at random places you think about a scenario where you could be martyred like your saint heroes.
73. at random places you think about what a saint would be doing right there and then.
74. .at random places you wish you could be somewhere else praying.
75. ..you're reading threads on this forum about convents, realize it's 7:30am, and you really have to get ready for work.
76. ...You jot down any sins you just committed in a notebook (or on the computer when you get a chance).
77. You wish the confessional was open 24/7.

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Then Moses said to the LORD,"Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?"Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." (Exodus 4:10-12)

This verse has always spoke to me as a child. I was born with severe learning disabilities and I couldn't speak well. I felt like God gave me this flaw to humble my spirit to him and have me depend on him more. I seek him comfort in Our Lord when he test me with my disabilities. Some days I wish the Lord would take this cross that I bear from me and give it to myself, but then other days I am glad he came me my speech issues because it humbles me to him.

Some days I feel like I can't lead people to Christ with my lack of speech and unable to speech well. If you all can't tell in my blog. I have horrible grammar from my disabilities so I apologize for my bad grammar.

What does your heart long for?

My heart longs for to be accepted for my uniqueness and love for Christ. I long to be one with God. I want to have complete intimacy with Jesus Christ on my journey to the church. I long for complete love and acceptance. I want peace of mind and total submission to the Lord.

Everybody's heart longs for something special in their heart. Some people long for a husband,kids, a job and a house of there own. A catholic woman with a vocation longs for complete love with Jesus Christ. She wants to be able to serve him all day long and adore him with all her heart.

Most people don't follow their heart to where they belong. They put it off and just give up on there dreams.

My advice to whatever vocation God has called you to have, to follow your heart to where you belong and don't ever do anything you will regret.

When you have found that inner peace and happiness, you will feel relaxed and this inner knowing of being at peace.

Follow your heart!

Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you.I have called you by name, you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

Beloved by Tenth Avenue North song

Beloved by Tenth Avenue North


http://www.youtube.c...h?v=Onz7K0djcRA




Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'am the giver of life
I'll clothe you in whine
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me

Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life

Cause you're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
& it binds you to me

You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
It's a mystery

How to fall in love with Jesus Christ

1. Guard your tongue
2. Praise God everyday minute of the day
3. Get his word from your mind to your spirit
4. Don't try to believe for more than you have faith to believe.

Make it our primary goal to know Christ

Practice listening to him

Seek his will first and always

Confess your sins,get cleansed in the blood of Jesus

Fall in love with Jesus

Falling in love with anybody can be scaring. Just know Jesus will never break your heart, hurt you,use you or forget about you. He is always there wanting to hold you,listen to you, and be your everything.

My advice to everybody is to start dating Jesus and fall in love with him like I have done :)

Pros and Cons for Spiritual Life 4-26-10

• 

Dear God,

I don't know what to do or what to from here. I need your help and guidance to help me learn your purpose for me. I feel so called to serve you in the Sisterhood and religious life. I want to spend my days praying to you, listening to you,talking to you, and serving you with my purpose. Lead me Oh God, to where I need to go, follow you, and serving you. I love you God and trust you with all my heart. You are my life, love of my life, and my lover. I'm thirsting for intimacy with you and embrace you and everything about you. I want to connect with you and be with you. I'm so in love with you Lord.

Oh Lord. I feel so scared and alone. I'm nervous about telling my family about my calling to religious life. They will probably disown me,be angry, and not approve. They don't understand my love for you and my commitment to you with "divine intimacy". I started dressing more modestly for you and be beautiful ladylike for you. I'm been wearing skirts 4 days now. Its a really big change for me and so hopefully i'm pleasing you. If the good lord comes to my house he will be smiling at me for showing my femininity.

Amen Love you Daddy!

Pros:

• Being closer to God
• Fulfilling my spiritual purpose
• being accepted
• dedicating my life to something big
• showing God's love to his people

• Cons:
• Leaving my horse
• leaving my family and friends
• babies
• marriage
• my own house

I saw God today.

Yesterday I saw God at work and he was talking to me through a old lady. I was caring for a old lady and she just started talking about God's love, being in his house, and asking me to pray with her.I was feeling extremely lonely and stressed out. I was it was God's way of telling me " I am his beloved and future bride to be". God told me in my heart " everything will be ok and you are my beloved, trust me, and believe in me". You are not alone in this world, when you feel weak rely on my strength,love,guidance and understanding for you.

I don't know where my journey will take me with my discernment to God and the Church. I may be called to the catholic church and to be a catholic nun. I emailed a priest last night. I was so nervous and scared to do something out of my comfort zone, but I trusted my gutt and heart just did it.I'm ready to be able to discern openly with my family and friends about my vocation. I want to be able to go to confession,Mass,Holy Eucharist Communion, and prayers with the rosary. I just hope everything works out for the best and trust my heart. I love the feeling when God whispers to me and talks to me like a bride to be and like a daughter. I hope in ten years I will have found my place in the world. I could be a bride of christ doing God's work in either a hospital or nursing home, or I could be married,working as a nurse and having kids. I just know whatever plan God has for me. I know he knows better than I do. I just want to crawl into his lap and have him hold me!

St Therese Of Jesus

SAINT THERESE OF JESUS-LETTER 103: A HERMINIA VALDÉS OSSA.

We live only for Jesus. And as the angels in heaven sing your praises constantly, the Carmelite's secondary here on earth, either near the tabernacle where God is captive, Love, and in the depths of his soul in heaven, where faith tells God dwells. Our vocation is the love object, which is the greatest thing that has the heart of man. That love lies in his soul since the day they put Jesus in it the seed of vocation. It is a bonfire where the soul is consumed and merges with God. That fire will not leave anything in their path. All it disappear, even the creatures, to go to join the infinite fire of love which is God. So seeking solitude that nothing prevents him from union with the One through whom all the stops. A soul-even when you really love is that in human affections-not want to be but with the beloved, look always express what is going on in the hearts and narrower and narrower. That is why we, loving Jesus with all our soul, we just want to contemplate and speak to him alone to change their ideas and feelings for our miserable divine.

What else is richer for the soul who loves life pass before the tabernacle. He, imprisoned for his love, and she. Nothing separates them. No worries. Only must love and miss the creature in its infinite Good. He opens his heart, and makes living there forgotten everything in the world, because it reveals its infinite charm, in the light of which all else is vanity. The close and attached to it. And the soul, lost and crazy with all the tenderness of a God, despises the creatures, and just want to live alone with Love Oh dear sister, blessed us who have been selected to be the favorite wife of Jesus, without which the can not happen, because in them a true love, because the brown makes the most complete gift of all. She devoted her intelligence neglecting the humanities, his memory, forgetting everything in the world, your family, etc. Deposes her will completely, because she has no authority over anyone, and even to take a pin has to ask permission. His heart was so devoted entirely desposeyéndose all complete by poverty and refusing the slightest comfort. Finally, his body is offered in sacrifice, subject to the severest penances. What is it? Nothing, nothing and still buried in the silence inside the adorable Heart of your God. There, as the Madeleine, heard of Jesus who has chosen the better part of loving all that is needed. Nobody out there. She understands that at the touch of Jesus is deified, for this is to become immersed in Him, and, as it engulfed in Jesus, we discover in the infinite treasures of love and goodness, is slowly recognizing the Word incarnate. That's when more than ever understand the redemptive work of Salvador, the value of that divine blood, and, consumed by love, feel thirsty. Yes, thirst for the blood of their God, shed for sinful souls. Go after them to save can not. You are blind if it departs from the focus of the Light which is the Word. Then, as with Jesus is not but one person and one will, says he is thirsty for his blood and He can not but feel the same and, throwing his blood poured over souls, saves them.

A soul united and identified with Jesus can do anything. And I think that only through prayer can achieve this. While others say that the prayer ministry and souls are saved, I think it's much more difficult because it requires a great union with the Redeemer: for saving souls is nothing to give to Jesus, and what not has can not give anything. Usually souls into working life harder to come join all [God], because external things and the constant intercourse with the world and are distracted away from Jesus. I also think self-esteem can be mixed when palpated triumphs, Carmelita danger that has not, since it ignores the number of souls saved by prayer and sacrifice. And perhaps from his cell conquest, the pair that the missionaries, millions of infidels who are in the confines of the world.

How beautiful is our vocation, dear sister! We are redeeming of souls in union with our Savior. We are the hosts where Jesus dwells. They live, pray and suffer for the sinful world. Was not this the life of the most perfect of creatures, the Blessed. Virgin? She carried the Word in silence. She always prayed and suffered. Was not this life of prayer and sacrifice that Jesus owned for 30 years? Only three years spent in preaching. Is not this the life of Jesus in the tabernacle? Ah, dear sister, is no doubt that we have chosen the best part, because the brown is only with God. Ask Him to bring you soon. Come then to lose his arms divine. Come to Jesus then find a host rather than submit to His Father for souls. Let nothing make you hesitate. Look to Him awaits full of infinite love and will make you his wife. Want to make you the most intimate union. The will make you divine imbued with you. You will live in the infinite sweetness in Jesus, purity, holiness, in goodness, love of God.

Oh, if you knew the tenderness contained in his adorable heart! It is God, and swim on their criminals, those creatures who only knew a while ago to offend, and still only got unpleasantly.How could I not love him deliriously, why not despise all at the sight of her charms and endless beauty? The has all the beauty of creatures, both physical and intellectual beauty of the heart elevated to an infinite degree. What can you find that is not in Jesus?

My first entry in my journal 3-15-2010

This is the first entry in my journal- 3-15-2010

I hear God talking to me again. He is calling me to be his bride again. I wish he would more quiet about it. I can hear him talking to me in my heart. He is whispering sweet words to me, like a lover says to his bride to be. He is telling me to follow him and trust him more. I wish I had the courage to follow him more. God knows all my wants and needs in my heart. I want to be complete and happy with him. I'm going to read my bible tonight,pray the rosary,Divine Mercy, and the Stations of the Cross. I think he will be pleased with me. I am using my gifts for him and showing my love for him.

God has been so good to me. I need to trust him more and rely on him more. I wish I could be more content with my life. Satan keeps tempting with lust and wants of human desires. I hate it! One minute God is whispering to me and the next minute Satin is convincing me not to trust him and give in. I wish I was a stronger woman sometimes.....

Oh God my loving Father, lead me on a righteous path. Keep me from giving into sin and Satan. Protect me and keep watch over me. I need some peace and understanding. Lord forgive me for my sins! I am a sinner and need forgiveness from you.

I love you Dad! xoxo Amen

Mary Mother of God, Please help me with my womanly desires. Lead me to be a good Christian woman and be more like you and become saintly. Keep me pure of heart and mind. Oh Holy Queen watch over me and guide me to the right path. Amen

Jesus calls you!!! say yes!

Jesus calls you. He calls you again and again. How many times does He have to call you before you will respond? Do not delay any longer. He calls you to Himself. He calls you to live out your vocation every day and at every moment. Your vocation does not lie in the pronouncement of your vows, the day of your ordination, the day you get married -- no -- your vocation lies within the daily self-sacrifice of yourself - daily dying to self and reaching out with the Heart of Christ to others. Do your duties with love, devotion, and attention. Do not pay attention to what you would rather want to do but do what you are told with love in order to give God the glory. Don't think that you would be better off doing some other duty than what is assigned to you. That is God's concern for it is His work, not yours. You hold no position, no power, no knowledge. You have no claim to anything for everything belongs to God. Anything in which you may have was given to you by God and He can take it away at any time. Therefore, do not worry about the future or whether or not you can do this or that. Have no concern at all for what your job may be. Instead, trust fully in God. Do as you are told. Don't neglect your duties and remember that God is given more glory in your obedience to your superiors than if you had the greatest wisdom on earth. God is given more glory if you humbly submit yourself to the will of your superiors or those in charge of your soul than if you were to go out and convert the whole world. In the end, only God matters. Once God said to St. Thomas Aquinas, "You have written well of ME. What reward would you like?" St. Thomas Aquinas responded, "You Lord. My only reward is YOU!" Is God your only reward? Pray. Pray that God will be the only one to fill your heart for only He can satisfy the soul and quench the thirst of your inner most being.


Jesus may be calling you....what are you WAITING for????????? May God's Blessings be upon you.

Asking for Guidance

Dear God, I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I need your help and guidance to help me learn your purpose for me. I feel so called to serve you in Sisterhood and religious life. I want to spend my days praying to you, listening to you, talking to you and serving you and your purpose. Lead me Oh God to where I need to, follow you, serve you. I love you God and trust you with all my heart. You are my life, love of my life, and my lover. I'm thirsting for intimacy with you and embrace you and everything about you. I want to connect with you and be with you. I'm so in love with you Lord. I want to feel complete and loved!
Oh Lord I feel so scared and alone. I'm feel so scared and lone. I'm nervous about telling my family about my calling to religious life. They will probably disown me, be angry, and not approve.They don't understand my love for you, and my commitment to you and your divine intimacy! I started dressing more modestly for you and be beautiful ladylike for you. It's a big change for me and hopefully i'm pleasing you. If the Good Lord came to my house today he will be smiling at me for showing my feminity for him.
Amen Love you Daddy!

Beloved

Dear God, I'm asking you for guidance. I need your help to lead me to where I need to be with you. Every day I think about you and I picture myself devoting myself totally to you. The beautiful picture of me dressed in all white, wearing a white chapel veil, and submitting myself unto your kingdom. I am your beloved daughter, You want me only for yourself. I want to give myself to you and depend on you for everything I need. I can close my eyes and picture your son Jesus Christ suffering on the cross. His wounds bleeding for our sins and transgressions. I want to be like a little child in your arms. I want you to hold me and tell me everything will be ok "I am here for you". A child owns nothing, came into this world pennyless and depends solely on their guardian or parent for survival. I have so much love to share with the whole world. I'm just a simple minded woman nothing that special about me. I just trust in you Lord and love you. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

My Vocation Story to the Church and My Converison

I was raised in a southern christian protestant family. My mom started taking me to church as a small child. I have been active in church my whole life. I would sing in the childrens’ choir, do vacation bible school, youth group, bible study, memorize bible verses and do volunteer work.

I was born with severe learning disabilities, Aspergers syndrome, OCD, ADD, LD, and APD. I have had a lot of therapy and doctors visits. I couldn't speak, walk, write my name, or spell. My mom taught me everything, She taught me how to write, speak, and function in this world. She made me who I am today. I still struggle with my disabilities. People judge me and say I'm rude or blunt because I will say something absurd or crazy. It's just my autism kicking in. I don't know that I'm doing it or how to stop it. I have a hard time relating to people my own age. I never had many friends growing up because of it. I knew I always had God by my side.

I have always thought I was missing something in my religious life. That the practices we were doing wasn't enough or devoted enough to God. I always had a amazing love for Mary and relating to her with a call from God.

I remember being 5 or 6years old not having many friends and sitting alone talking to God and Jesus. I would tell him all my feelings, problems, happiness, and love for him. I would talk to him like he was a human being sitting next to me holding my hand. I remember always talking to my self like somebody was there with me and listening to me, thinking back to that now, somebody was there. God, Mary, Jesus, and my guardian angel have always been there with me. My guardian angel has been my best friend and friend to me when nobody would befriend me. He was my there during all the years of sitting in doctors offices, therapist offices, and traveling.

God has always been calling me to religious life. He was whispering to me in my heart asking me to devote my whole entire life to him. He made me different for a reason to serve him and help the sick.

When I was 10years old my parents went through a nasty divorce. It spread all around town, people taking sides and gossiping about me. I would get funny looks in Wal Mart or the grocery store. My father was a very rich and powerful man. He was verbally abusive to me and very cruel. He was atheist and didn't believe in church and God. He loved to mess with my mind and make me think things that weren't real.

I went into an emotional breakdown when I was 13 years old from the divorce and my Father's abuse. I had horrible anxiety attacks, I started self harming myself. I went into a deep depression. It was a dark night of my soul. I felt lost and had no control of any of this. The good Lord helped bring me out of my darkness. My mom prayed to God : “Lord change their Father or take him out of there" You know what the Good Lord did " He took him"

My father abandoned me in May of 2004 in Florida at a Mcdonalds. He dropped us off said " Goodbye" and walked out of my life. My uncle drove me home and dropped me off at my Mom's house. I never saw my father's family again nor my Father.

My father leaving me helped my emotional state of mind and my spiritual life. It brought me closer to God and changed me. God became the Father I never had. He was my constant and only stable being in my life.

In 2006, a year after my Father left town. My childhood best friend dropped dead of a heart attack from a stomach virus. She was only 15 years old!! I spent the whole day with her the day before she died. It's crazy how one minute somebody is in your life and the next minute they aren't. God really wanted his daughter home with him. I remember going outside after finding out she had died and asking God "Why" Why did you take her away from us? Why did she have to die? Why must I suffer more loss and heartache??

I came to terms that it was for His purpose to mold us into who we are today and our purposes on this earth.

My mom became deathly ill a year later in 2007. She caught C DIFF and toxic mega colon and lost her whole colon. She was hospitalized for 3months and I had to live on my own on our 150 acre farm by myself. I had to pay the bills, cook, clean, shop, do laundry and run the house and care for 25dogs and 10cats. I had to become an adult that day! I knew God was by my side in all those troubles and hard time. I asked him one day "God why all this loss and heartache in my life, why must I suffer" He whispered to my heart "It's for my purpose to make you the woman you are today and to bring you closer to my love"

Last year when I started college I had another dark night of my soul. God became very distant from my life those few months. I felt like he wasn't there. The Devil started tempting me with lust, pride, lies, and worldly desires. He wanted me to leave God and become "worldly".

God brought me to my knees and pretty much spoke to me. I was crying out to the Lord to save me and make me a better person to serve him. I was sinning back and forth. I wasn't a perfect person nor is anybody a perfect person.

I was crying out in agony to Our God for him to rescue me from these storms in my life. God rescued me and brought me to dry ground. He told me "I've been trying to tell you for years that your peace is as a Catholic nun and in the Church of Jesus Christ, which St. Peter helped to form."

I knew that day I would never ever let Satan get the best of me again!

My spiritual journey has been a rocky one for a long time. It has had its highlights and the its down moments. God has really tested my love for him..

Right now, My spiritual journey is a long discernment to the church and my vocation as a Nun. I am praying everyday, journaling, doing two or three daily rosaries, church, volunteer work, reading about the saints and talking to other devoted Catholics.

My gift from God is the gift of hospitality and nursing. I want to serve Jesus' children--the sick, infirmed and dying souls on this earth. I want to bring them closer to Jesus' love and his compassion for them. I work at a nursing home as a CNA nursing the sick and the elderly in honor of Jesus. I have dedicated my life to serving him in the nursing world. I am majoring in LPN to RN degree in nursing, hopefully I will be a LPN by the time I'm 22 and a RN by the time I’m 23. I want to use my gifts to show God's love to people.

My heart yearns for becoming one with Jesus Christ; I want to serve him and the Church for the rest of my life. I want to go to that desert place and lay down my life for him. I want to dedicate everything I am to him. He is my everything and my constant in my life.

The thirst I have for him and serving him is intense and so full of fire...... I just want to run into his arms and tell him everything. I want to wear all white and say my vows to him. I want to a bride of Christ and his spouse.